Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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