she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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