Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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