she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize