Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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