The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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