you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
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High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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