i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize