Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sext me about skeletons
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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