wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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