ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize