3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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