every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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