we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize