my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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