Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize