she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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