I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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