how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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