I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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