Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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