The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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