I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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