Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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