her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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