i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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