she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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