"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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