I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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