At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize