She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
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its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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