haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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