Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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