funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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