I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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