I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shit in the fireplace
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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