Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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