I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize