it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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