the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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