SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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