So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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