Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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