Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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