I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Everclear isn't food dammit
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize