I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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