Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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