I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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