You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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