i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize